I took part in an
arts project in June 2010 on self-portraits called "Are you lookin' at me?!/ Tu veux ma photo?!"
A self portrait is
narcissistic, but it also reveals how an artist wants to be
considered by others.
At first I was
perplexed about this theme, because I didn’t have any ideas of what
to create, it didn’t really inspire me… However, after much
thought, I decided to write something about myself.
But, what should I say about myself ?
My life is not that amazing... In the end, as I
was feeling a little low at the time, I decided to write about
self-loathing, but in the third person.
Writing this text
was very difficult for me, because I had to question myself. Being
fifteen I did not really know how to ask the right questions, to
understand how to solve my problems. Everything seemed too difficult
to handle. When I finished writing my text, I wasn’t
satisfied (I’m never very satisfied about anything I do).
People who then read my self-pitying
text were really surprised. They said : “You’re such a happy
girl, you're always smiling and laughing !” But I smile so as
not to show my feelings of sadness. This gave me the idea of placing
a photo of me smiling with the sad text. The person who then reads
the text and sees my picture might then think about the fact that we
often use our faces as masks ; we show the world an image of
happiness, but in fact we are unhappy inside...
A friend took photos of me in different
attitudes : with a smile, with a childish grin, with a look of hope.
In the end I used the photo of myself looking up to the heavens... I
was quite pleased with the result. Many visitors to the exhibition
said they liked it.
Today, I look back at my artistic
effort, and think about all those tears and insurmountable problems,
and chuckle... My self-image has improved, and I care less perhaps about how others consider me.
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